18 Nov Big moment coming up, feeling nervous? Try this
One of the fastest ways for you to improve is to tell the truth. Nothing crushes your improvement faster than pressure. Pressure has this killer cocktail of doubt, fear, and worry. When that killer cocktail fires off, it totally crushes your improvement, totally crushes your advancement and it will kill any deal in a heartbeat.
So when I say tell the truth, I mean accept your negative feelings. As you come into your biggest moments, there’s nervousness, there’s doubt, there’s worry, and there’s fear. Accept those feelings. The only way to overcome those feelings is to accept them. That’s what the research says.
In the last few years, I have had the fortunate opportunity to coach GMs of companies, senior VPs, VPs, directors, CMOs, CFOs, all these high, heavy-hitting titles. I’m not telling you that to brag. I’m telling you this because, a lot of them get caught up in this idea that, “I can’t possibly accept those feelings,” They say, “I can’t accept those. I’m the VP. I’m the CEO. I’m the GM. I have 15, 20, 30 years in this role. My people are counting on me. I can’t possibly accept these feelings.”
But I'm telling you, as you resist the negative feelings, the fear, the doubt, and the worry, they will balloon out of control.
So when you are in front of those investors, or in front of the board, or you are trying to close this deal to make your year, and you are resisting those negative feelings; you will find yourself completely losing control, and it’s almost impossible to find a way to win.
Part of the reason for the resistance of accepting your feelings is one, you’re thinking about yourself. You think you have to be emotionally perfect. I’m the VP. I’m the CEO. Or maybe you’re not. Maybe you have 10 years in your career and you are thinking, “I should know this by now. I should be more poised, more confident, more certain, more controlled. I shouldn’t be thinking those things.” These thoughts limit you from accepting your feelings.
Another potential reason for resisting your negative feelings could be you’re focusing on the fear of disapproval from others. So, you might be thinking, if I admit that I can’t do this, or if I accept this nervousness, people are going to realize that I’m a fraud. They’re going to see that I can’t do it. They’re going to get that I’m not as good as I think I am. As a result you stop yourself from accepting your feelings.
Finally you could be catastrophizing. Ruminating on the idea that if I accept this nervousness or this anxiety or this pressure, it could totally spiral out of control and the whole thing will explode!
So these three barriers can stop you from accepting your negative feelings. I’m telling you the fastest way to get through it; the fastest way to get to your improvement is to accept those feelings. Understand that it’s not about beating yourself up. Simply recognize the nervousness, the fear and accept that feeling.
The natural next question becomes, how do you do it? The first question you ask yourself is; “is it realistic in this situation to feel this way?” If you are in front of this board, or this close is important for your year, is it realistic to feel nervous now?
If it is yes, all of a sudden, you realize, that you can reduce or release some of this fear because it’s okay to be nervous in this moment.
As you go through this, there are a couple of key benefits from accepting those negative feelings. One, you realize, “Hey, I can do this.” You’ll realize when these negative feelings show up, you can take them on. It’s called a wholehearted living. All of you is brought into the situation.
The second benefit is
as you accept those negative feelings; it dissipates their power over you. They release their hold. Whatever you resist, persists. So as you resist the fear, resist the doubt, resist the worry, it grows out of control. As soon as you accept it, it dissipates its power.
So, in summary what I’m saying to you is if you want to overcome these negative feelings, and you really want to get back to dominating your key moments, learn to accept your negative feelings