10 May The #1 Disruptor of your ability to Win
This week I’m focusing on a really important topic to me. Actually, and it’s been a weakness of mine, I think my entire life, and that’s this: giving up your power. Maybe you have talent, intelligence, skill, and know-how, but one of the biggest disruptors of all those of things is going to be giving up your power.
Those moments where: you know the answer, you know what you’re supposed to do, but because of somebody else in the environment, maybe: it’s a parent, a sister, a brother or maybe it’s a girlfriend or boyfriend, husband or wife, or maybe it’s a superior, a boss, or a direct report, that you decide to give up your power. I’ve done this time and time again my entire life. Honestly, it kills your ability to find a way to win.
Understand, that does not mean be: bull-headed, stubborn, resistant, and inflexible. What I’m saying is, when you know you shouldn’t do something or you know you do not want to do something but you do it anyways to please the other person, to make the situation go away, that’s giving up your power. Or, you might take someone’s criticism as truth. Did you hear those stories about music superstar Madonna. Madonna got rejected from a recording studio when she was starting her career and it was a very harsh letter from one of the top studio execs. She simply threw it in the garbage. She didn’t care. She moved on and she signed somebody else
Imagine though, you’re that musician who takes that rejection letter and decides, “see, I’m never going to be a musician”. So, you totally toss your power away. Where this showed up for me was in athletics, as a teenager and in my early twenties. You’re young and you have this coach who apparently is an expert telling you, “no you can’t, who do you think you are?” If you’re not careful, you decide, “oh I guess I can’t”.
Sometimes you find you’re looking for validation from them even though you have no idea what their motives are. Respectfully, they have no authority to judge your ability. That’s your job.
It’s one of the biggest things I try to tell my clients. They always ask me, “Cal, what should I do?”, “tell me what to do”. Sometimes I do. However, understand that in coaching, that is not our major goal. Our goal is to help you think bigger, think higher, and get you around your own problem or through your own problem. So, what I tell my clients is I don’t want to tell you what to do because that makes me put a limit on your ability. You’re basing what you can do on my opinion. What you can do is far more than I can possibly understand. To put that much authority in my mouth is totally unfair to you.
So understand this, do not ever give up your power. If you believe you can start a business … I don’t give a shit if you don’t have your VP of X, or your MBA degree, or you haven’t managed a room of people. Who cares? …It doesn’t matter. If it’s in your heart and it’s in your gut, hold on to that and go for it. Don’t give up your power based on the “realities” of your situation. Does that make sense? Really understand, you can do anything you set your mind to. I mean that with all seriousness. Never, ever give up your power.
That also goes for relationships. I know some of you are married, or boyfriend and girlfriend and sometimes you sacrifice your integrity to please your partner. Knowing you shouldn’t do it and do not want to do it but you do it anyways. Then it starts to build resentment, anger, pain, jealousy and envy in your partner. Why? Because you say to yourself “they did this…” No, they didn’t. You gave up your power, that’s what happened.
Giving up your power has such a huge impact on so many other areas. Please hear me, I’m not saying be stubborn or bull-headed or inflexible. I’m saying don’t give up your power when you know you shouldn’t do something and you don’t want to do something and you give it up anyways … That’s the mistake we’re making. Do you follow me on that?
So go for it. Start the business. Go for the new career. Find a new partner, lose the weight, go for that trip, do whatever you can. Don’t give up your power and you will find a way to win.